Mamma’s and Bullies (Throwback Thursday; things to do or not)

You may think this was politically incorrect of me to do.

 

I was remembering about a time when Piper was in Kindergarten and First Grade and she was experiencing bullying.  Piper didn’t know it was bullying at the time, but she did tell me there was a girl in her class that punches her in the stomach when they are playing.  It was hard to figure out for Piper, because at other times they were friends.  But from time to time the girl would put her fist into Piper’s stomach and twist it hard.  I knew who the girl was and I knew her mother and father just from small talk at school.  By my assessments, I wasn’t surprised the girl was doing this.

I took the initial steps of contacting the school with the information, since they didn’t know it was going on.  I waited for the parent to contact me, but the next time I saw her, it was small talk as usual.  The school may have told her, but kept , who reported it private.

Piper told me it was still going on.  I debated on talking with the parent face to face about it.  I wasn’t sure where it would go, would she believe me, would it change things?

One day I was picking up Piper from her after school program and all the kids were in the hallway.  I decided to take things into my own hands. I grabbed the opportunity to handle this problem mommy stealth style.

The girl was there and I bent down to her level and I said, very quietly yet, sternly, with eyebrows knitted together, “Girl, I need you to stop putting your hands on Piper!”  “Do not punch her in the stomach, do not pick her up, and do not lay one more hand on her!  Do you understand me?”  She looked up at me with wide doe eyes and shook her head yes.

I never had another problem again with her.  You may think this was politically incorrect of me to do.  But, I followed my instincts and it turned out perfectly.  Every now and then, you have to handle things old school and your intuition and instincts usually are right on!

Have you ever had to handle a bullying situation in your own way?  What went right, what went wrong?

 

What Do Single Moms Want?

Yes, there are a lot of great guys out there!

Not to be single anymore, right!  Most people want to be in a loving relationship. Feeling rejected is mankind’s biggest fear.  I get that 100%!  I feel better when I am a part of a community, a group of friends who love me and get me.   I feel great when I’m in a thriving relationship.  But, in the meantime when we find ourselves currently not a part of a loving relationship, that is when we have to take care of ourselves and make sure that we do the activities, hobbies,(yuck, I hate that word) steps, that make us happy and whole, to attract the next guy, girlfriend, job, or whatever we want. We should be able to be happy where we are right now.

Life is about transforming from where you are now, into something bigger and better.

Force your self to do something that scares you.  Join a group, or club. Smile at people. (this was hard for me to do), Go on line to find a date, and be of service to others.

Be good to your self.  Smile at your self in the mirror. (Just do it, no one can see you) Thank God for the things you have and thank God for the things you want.  Live your life as if you already have those things. Make a list of what you want.  Create a vision board.

Yes, there are a lot of decent guys out there!  Stop saying things like, all the good guys are married, all the guys on line are weird.  You are single, and you are great, there are guys who are your equal, who are looking for love, I’ve met lots of  great guys on line (and have just recently been dating a great one),  and if you need help with this, email me because I know how to weed out the losers, and attract the perfectly suited one for you!

Think Abundance. Say this everyday, “There are lots of great guys out there, and I’m going to meet one.” Don’t hate where you are right now, embrace it and have fun.

Let me know how it works!!

“Everything is rigged in our favor.”-Rumi

Be Clear With What You Want

I emailed, him explaining why she won’t be with him this weekend, and then I ended it with a request.

Don’t give up on asking for what you want!

My daughter is sick, she has a fever, she’s throwing up and she’s is supposed to go to her dad’s for the weekend.  When he texts her to confirm,  she tells him she wants to stay with me because she is sick.  I mean who doesn’t want to be with their mommy, or the one who has been the nurturer, when they are  sick and need some TLC?  His response to her when she tells him she is sick and won’t be going, is “Boo”.  I don’t know maybe that is his way of saying, “Wow, Piper, that sucks that I’m not going to be able to see you.”  I can’t begin to understand what goes on in his head, but once again I feel the mamma bear coming out and needing to defend my daughter.

I just wish he would treat her like the princess she is.  But, I long ago gave up on that idea. It is, what it is, and trying to change him, by asking him for what I want usually would not go my way, and I’d end up in a tears from the frustration.

You can’t change anyone.  but I’ll be damned if I’m going to idly stand by and let him treat my daughter with the same indifference he treated me with.

I emailed, him explaining why she won’t be with him this weekend, and then I ended it with a request.  I wrote, “It would be nice if you had some kind words for Piper like, ‘I hope you feel better.’, or ‘I miss and love you.'”

He’s not a stranger to expressing his love for her, but lately, since she’s turned into a snarky teen, it seems like he’s forgotten that she still needs to hear those words and she still needs to know and feel his love for her.

I’m glad to report that the next day, he expressed his concern and love for her.  She, on the other hand didn’t want to respond, because she was mad at him.

Oy vey!!

I was pleasantly surprised, and glad I asked and he listened.

Connecting With Your Teen

Enjoy Your First Twelve Years of Parenting Your Daughter!

Enjoy your first twelve years with your daughter because when she turns thirteen, or close to it you’re no longer living with the same person.  You are now living with someone whom wakes up super cranky and mad at you.  She doesn’t want you to make her breakfast anymore because she is not hungry.  As a matter of fact she isn’t going to talk to you much unless she wants something; like food, money and a ride to the mall.  Requesting her to pull her own weight turns into a battle. Her phone becomes the proverbial football or coveted golden egg, each of us vying for control in order to set things right in the household.

I know this is somewhat normal teenage girl growing pains, but, it still hurts you as a parent. And as a single parent, you have no one to back you up and share the ride with.  I hate losing control, I hate not feeling connected and close with her, and I hate not being her number one in her life.

So, what do I do?  I cry a little when she isn’t around.  Then I think of ways to reconnect with her so as not to let her fly away too far.  I imagine her on one of those adjustable dog leashes where you can let her go further and yet pull her back in tight again. I’m always on the look-out for inexpensive ways for us to connect.

Connecting is the Key

I try to watch her favorite shows with her.

We like to cook and bake together.

We definitely like to go shopping together.

Soon we’ll be making all natural bath bombs.

Shoot me a comment and tell me some of the ways you connect with your teenage kids? 

All my best!

Hello Single Mammas!

I am by no means a perfect parent, but who is?

Join me while I try to navigate my precocious teen daughter, into adulthood with love, laughs, and lots of mistakes.

I’ve been a single mom for 13 years and I want to  reach out to more of my  fellow single moms and dads to connect and help each other hang on, and move forward through all the peaks and pits that occur while single parenting.  ( I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner)

Currently, I find myself with an urge of wanting to do something more with my life.  I hope to build this site into a place where I can share my knowledge of what’s kicked ass and what’s kicked my ass while single parenting. With so many highs and lows of parenting, being a single parent is particularly challenging but definitely doable.

All my best,

Kristen