My Fourteen year old and I are fighting like cats and cats!

cat fightIt’s summer vacation, which means lots of together time with our kids! This can be great, and it can also mean more family squabbling. My fourteen year old daughter and I are currently battling for control.  This happens from time to time because,  we have opposite personalities, her being an alpha female and me being a people-pleaser which can get us into trouble considering the fact that a fourteen year old, can’t run the household and a mother can’t always please her daughter.

Friends and family, try and give me advice, by telling me to just put a kibosh on it, or let her know whose boss and the old stand by, take her phone away. Which I do, frequently, but something still isn’t working.

The problem is that my daughter is super strong willed.  I’m a reader and a planner, and I thought I had it all figured out when I took my beautiful, baby girl home from the hospital. I would just follow the schedules these books have planned out and everything will be a vision of perfection.  We will be napping and eating on schedule. Well, not according to my daughter, who would not stop, crying, and screaming. When she got older it turned into, begging,  and negotiating, until she would wear me down.  I’m pretty strong willed myself, in my own quiet way, but dealing with your own kid is a different kind of banana in this apple cart.

Now she’s a teenager and I find myself once again getting worn down from time to time. Biggest problem is her not understanding my , language because she takes everything so literally and then we end up arguing about how something was said, or what exactly was said. And she’s a master of keeping the fight going and turning it around.

Then a quick look at Facebook, can really make a mom feel like crap. You can feel so jealous of those moms whom post pictures of their mom daughter “best friend” relationships!  The pics seem to say  “We do everything together, we’re best friends, and there isn’t a care in the world.

Seriously, I know Facebook and Instagram are the best moments of bliss that everyone is guilty of posting, to show everyone else how blissful their lives are.  I do it myself. And I have to remind myself, that everyone of us has our own shitty crap that we have to deal with in our own families.  We are not The Brady Bunch!  And I didn’t get to writing on this blog, to blow bull shit up everyone’s ass.  I want to be real……….good or bad, I want to be real.

Truth is, if you have a good relationship, then you will have ups and downs.  Healthy people fight with each other.  In order to move past problems there is a fight, disagreement, or an argument. My fourteen year old daughter is trying to exercise her independence. I just have to learn how to negotiate properly with a fourteen year old.  I have to be proactive, put the kibosh on it without emotion.

But I’m finding our fights, are getting to be more often, and more emotional.  And I’m not afraid to go get some professional help.  I’ve made an appointment with a counselor whom specializes in family communication. My daughter is on board with this too. I think it will be good for us to get some strategies to help us through this moment in our life.  It’s hard being the only parent, and I’m sure it’s hard on Piper as well.  I don’t know what she is going through; being an only daughter in a single parent household, with a dad who is not and never has been emotionally there for her.  She may have feelings that she needs to work out as well.

In an effort to help all single moms and parents, I want you to know that my life is not all Facebook/Instagram bliss.  I work hard, I’m trying to get out of debt, I’m back on the dating scene, I love my daughter, I nag at her, I’m impressed by her, we laugh and have fun and we fight.

Does anyone have similar situations with their daughters?  Have you gone to counseling about it?

Please share and post to other single mothers and fathers, I’d love to hear about your experiences.

 

 

 

 

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